Wake up, my right lower jaw is swollen and I'm in pain. Dental abscess is my $.20 diagnosis. I hate going to dentists, they scare me (bad experience as a young spawn). But, I have to do something. Luckily there's an emergency dentist that's open Sundays. Will give them a call when they open and see if they can fit me in. I'm mildly freaked out here...but the adult logical part of my brain says I'll probably just get xrays, antibiotics to kill the infection, and pain meds so I don't kill my liver with Tylenol. Then later the really scary stuff.
This really has been the month of medical insanity. Brain scan, allergy testing, insurance denial, and now dentists. I probably should try to get in to see the eye doctor next week to complete the set, and see how borked my finances are at that point. *sigh*
Any spare good/calm/painless thoughts or prayers would be accepted. I'm already on my anxiety meds , but this is a tad more than your basic stressors. *sigh*
Back from 'Alien: Covenant'. Quick review, it's not bad. It's not great, it's not spectacular, but if you came for face hugs and chest bursts and general mayhem, you won't be terribly disappointed. Could have used some peppier mid movie foo (kind of dragged), and people would have been just fine if they just stuck to the program, but people making bad decisions = a horror movie. Otherwise, it's a travelogue. 3.5 out of 5 xenomorphs, and I'll be buying it on bluray/dvd when it comes out.
And it's Friday. Thank Cthulhu. Not a bad week, but tiring. Allergy
testing was...prickly. Work is work, I'm behind because I've been very
distracted, I may log in this weekend and work a few hours on one of my
projects to make up for things. Not that would be such a trial, I'd just
crank up some Cthulhu music and try to get creative.
Weekend plans otherwise, going to see 'Alien: Covenant' tomorrow. I've heard
some unhappy fans already, but I think I'll be fine with it. I'm that rare
breed who liked 'Prometheus' and found it worth repeat viewings. Will be
seeing it with friends, yay friends and Xenomorphs. Otherwise I have chores
to do, books to read, geeking to geek and bad movies to watch.
Not much else to talk about. Decided to stay up late tonight and watch movies,
yay for cheese. Oh yeah, and mac and cheese for a late night snack. My sleep
is kind of loopy lately. Oh well, I should sleep ok tonight. If nothing
else, I can sleep in tomorrow if I feel like it. Night all.
Early post with breaking news. This week was allergy testing for Vulpine,
3 days of getting poked with a needle repeatedly to see what made me react.
First day was 'inhalants' aka pollen, dander, etc. I responded to
EVERYTHING but cypress trees and sweetgum. I had to ask what a sweetgum
tree looked like. This includes cats and dogs, which made me sad. The
fix...since I've been miserable for months on end, I'm taking it up a
level and going with allergy shots. 2 shots, twice a week for a long while.
Not fun, but probably less not fun than allergies year round.
Tuesday and today were tests for food allergies. Long story short, I could
have guessed my one food allergy. Onions. For those new to this blog,
onions have been my green kryptonite...if Superman found green rocks tasty.
So I've avoided them, watched what I ate, read labels, asked friends to do
weird things like make guacamole without onions. Never had an official
diagnosis, and assumed 'intolerance' rather than 'allergy' because my
reactions were always stomach related. Nope, it's a histamine reaction.
Whoops. So all the time I felt like 'maybe I'm just being silly'. Nope,
really allergic. Kind of took the wind out of my doctor's sails, since I
knew all where onions show up in food these days. So yeah, no random food
allergies from the stuff I was tested with. Good to know.
So yeah, I'm allergic to Texas and onions. Nothing really new there, but
I have a plan for the former, and experience fighting the later. Home now,
looking up stuff in Providence for the Necronomicon this August. Yay
food and books and cultists. More ramblings this weekend, when Vulpine
encounters...Alien.
Two posts, one weekend. No, this isn't the 3rd sign or anything, just
had thoughts in my head and want to get them down on virtual paper.
One, happy Mother's day to all the mothers out there. I miss my Mom, and
this day is hard for me, but I'm glad for all the mothers out there I know,
especially the ones who think of me as family.
Two, I've decided that even though I'm going to be in the current
Château Innsmouth for the next 7-8 months, I'm not going to bother with
trying to reorganize it any further. Instead I'm going to start packing,
at least the stuff I don't touch on a regular basis. So when I am ready
to move, I'm already 80% packed and ready to go.
Three, dreams last night were mixed to bad. But I did sleep pretty good
otherwise. Had one good dream last night about a secret hidden culture/utopia in the current reality. Then dreams went downhill. Parent dreams, ex-friend dreams (though at least I got a kiss and a hug and a sorry in the dream), then coughing my lungs out. Gave up, got up. Trying to not analyze things. Have a
number of tasks to do today, may attempt to get them done in a little bit.
Going to be a crazy week. Hopefully once I run today's errands, I can get
back to hermit/chill/vm updates. I can dream at least.
Well, it's been a week. Not a great week. Last weekend I felt lousy,
had to miss visiting with a friend in from the Bay Area who I haven't seen
in years. *sad fox* Was out sick Monday, everything felt wrong, so I
mostly just napped. Work was work, patching before a release on Tuesday, aka
how fast can we do this? Pretty darn fast actually. Last night we had
emergency patching for Windows servers due to the latest ransomware BS.
I hate windows. Slept for crap again last night, and I'm feeling pretty
foul today. Stomach is unhappy, lungs are crunchy, and I'm off most of
my allergy meds for the testing next week.
I'm a mess. Also, my insurance denied my first request
for the new depression treatment. Now my doc and my rep are appealing it, and
I know for any expensive treatments insurance will push back hard, but
emotionally this is a hit. We'll see what happens next week.
So yeah, I'm not doing hot. Mentally/emotionally I'm all over the place.
Physically I covered already. At least I have Cthulhu covering the spiritual
side of things *wink* Mother's Day is tomorrow, my plan to send out a bunch
of mother's day cards to people has been delayed, I just really haven't had
the spoons to write cards. Maybe later today/tomorrow. Not thinking too
much otherwise about tomorrow...hoping there isn't a ton of emotional
foo, I really don't have it in me to cope. So here's to not needing a ton
of cope.
Not much else going on. Slowly upgrading my VM horde, at least the Ubuntu
ones to 17.04. I need to look at what version of Fedora is default now,
I haven't checked in a while. And there's the obvious windows updates.
Plus movies, probably going to stick with favorites vs trying to find
something new. Can't wait for next weekend and the new 'Alien' movie.
I enjoyed 'Prometheus' and 'Alien vs Predator', so I'm pretty sure I'll
be a fan.
So, I'll call this a post. Hopefully next week won't be as ick as this
last one was, and maybe I'll even make some process into feeling human
again. Laters gators.
After multiple months of insane body crap, I finally got a referral to an
allergist. Had one already picked out, some friends of mine swear by
him. So I went over this afternoon. Already had my paperwork filled out,
like when a doctor makes it easy to do the stupid stuff quick.
Got the vitals checked, and saw the doctor within 10 min, if not less.
Nice guy, chatty and has a sense of humor. Given my doctor phobia, it's
good not to stress out on meeting the guy. We went over my history,
my symptoms, what I've done, etc. Long story short (seriously, we talked
a long while.) I have allergies from hell. Seriously, I've seen less
OMG looks from doctors telling people about cancer. So, it's not just
basic sniffles and me being a hypochondriac. The down side, besides the
obvious Mt Cedar...it really could be ANYTHING. My vitamins, my diet,
grass, some plant I've never heard of, or, more than likely, some combination
of the above. On the plus side, I'm already in a lot of the habits I'll
need to be to get over this. And the ones he wants me to start aren't
out there for me. So what's the plan ?
Week after next I do the full panel of pricks. (laugh, the only way I'm
keeping my sanity is thinking like a 13 year old). 165 of them. But we'll
find out what all are the problems. If it's non-food allergies, the next
steps are shots. Lots of shots. But I can handle needs if it helps.
If it's food allergies, well I change my diet. Which, given my experience
with onions, is far more palatable. I know I can change my diet. It will
suck, but it's a suck I can control.
So, we'll see. Until then it's more crap up my nose, gargling, and a lot
of my current activities. At least I doubt I'm allergic to magnets,
for that would make tomorrow SUCK.
Note: this doesn't cover my allergist visit, that's going to be it's own post at some point when I process that...oy.
So I've been kind of vaguebooking about what's going on with my brainmeats,
at least to most of the public at large. So here's the skinny. My pshrink
thinks I'm a good candidate for a 'new' treatment, Transcranial Magnet
Stimulation or TMS. Basically, they've found some people with depression
had neurons that don't work as they're supposed to, but with stimulation
from a magnetic field, they can get them to fire normally, correcting the
depression issue. I've been reading on the science, and it seems
plausible. Basically, if I qualify (both under insurance and after an
EEG), I'd go for daily magnetic whackings for a period of about 6 weeks.
The downside is it's crazy expensive, as in if my insurance doesn't cover
it, there's no way I can afford it. But, if it's covered by insurance,
and it does what it says it does, I may have my depression and anxiety in
remission. Note, I didn't say cured. They don't say cured. I could need
follow ups, and it's not a magic pill. But it gives enough hope that I'm
willing to try.
Friday AM I go in for my brain scan, if I get pictures of said brain I'll
post them. From there, it depends on if I fit the pattern needed, and
if insurance covers it, then it's a lot of magnetic waves into my brain.
(insert joke about uncovering dormant mental powers) Then...we hope.
I know exactly one person who's had this treatment, who said it worked until
his insurance screwed him royally. I'm hoping for no insurance screwage.
I'm also hoping that this might just be the light at the end of a very long
tunnel. I'm tired, I'm tired of all the meds, I'm tired of the side
effects, I'm tired of finding myself idly contemplating my own mortality.
(No, not suicidal, don't worry, just tired). So tomorrow is a first step.
Wish me luck, prayers, crossed anythings, whatever.
Stuff is going on. Had my pshrink visit this week. Trying a new med, and
possibly a new kind of treatment plan. I'm not going into details yet,
mostly because I'm still turning things over in my brain and doing
research. As usual, I'm hopeful and scared to hope at the same time. But
that's depression in a nutshell.
Work is well, work. Patchfest round one is finished for the quarter.
Round two will be part this week, and part the week after. It's going
be crazy, but I shall survive. It's one of those specialty things.
Make all the servers bend to my will, and evolve. Plus I'll have a number
of other tasks starting next week, but I can get it all done.
Today I went to see some friends. Stupid allergies and nasal drip is
driving me crazy. I need to get the referral to an allergist this
next week, so maybe I can get this under control too. I can dream
at least. But it was good to see people. Social anxiety sucks on top
of everything else I've got going on this year. But, I'm in charge of this
damn meat suit, and it will start to fucking listen to me.
Well, that got a little intense. But it's true. So wish me luck on getting
things back the way I want them. *crosses tentacles*
I keep meaning to blog, but it turns into a complaint fest that I save,
and never get back to. I'm still not feeling good, physically or mentally.
I've had stressful work days (still like the job, I work with good people),
computer issues at home, and a whole mess of miscommunications. If I could
pull a mega-hermit and never leave Château Innsmouth, I would be seriously
tempted. But, I can't, so I won't. Plus, I do miss my friends, so no
haunted mansions outside of town for me. Glad it's Friday either way.
Tonight is bad movies and early to bed. Hopefully this weekend will be
a change of mood, and next week will be better. I can dream at least.
